Leave It At That

tOuCH X MeE: and like i said im not that person anymore
tOuCH X MeE: we never chill we never talk so you dont know anything
tOuCH X MeE: so leave it at that
tOuCH X MeE: goodbye

(if you don't chill, how can you know anything?)

Pop & Razor

i just tryed to open a case of pop with a razor and the out come was definately NOT IN MY FAVOUR

(maybe next time you should try a sledgehammer)

Luke & Randi

Hey Randi-I have no idea if you check your email or not...but I dont do much emailing....anyhow,just wanted to see what you were up to! I definitely think we should hang out sometime, and you can have that ride in my car you wanted! I am going to buy you a cell phone cause I'm too scared to call your house :) well I need to sleep before work tomorrow, so I will HOPEFULLY hear from you soon...if you ever wanna call me I would love it (572-1785) or u can just email me back, and if you wanna hang out I guess I can summon the courage to call you sometime ;) Have a good night, and I will talk to ya later! Luke

(luke makes me want to puke)

Stella Benson Quote

Energy is an eternal delight, and he who desires, but acts not, breedspestilence.Some persons are likable in spite of their unswervingintegrity.Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond thatkeeps most families alive.In the long run, we get no more than we have been willing to risk giving.

(what do you mean you don't know who Stella Benson is?)

Foot Fetish?

HURLEYAZNGURLEY: lol when me and tony are lying down and our feet touch i think of u

(who do you think of when you touch elbows?)

I Want To Be

((41))i want to be the smile,the first thought,the long drive, or the short walk .the last voice - the random call .your everything .. or nothing at all .the perfect kiss or the comfort hug the sparkle in your eyes

(i want to be sleeping)

Billing Clarification

I was calculating the billing for this pay period and realized that the last check was short $29.89. I turned in my billing on 12/15/05 for a total of $282.33 and the check that was written to me was for $252.44. Is there a reason for this discrepancy? If not, would you please place the amount that was left off, $29.88, on the next paycheck. I would very much appreciate your consideration in this and I have enclosed a copy of the check that you have sent to me as well as the billing that was turned in. Let me know as soon as you get this cleared up.

Sincerely,
Sharon XXXXXXX

(bastards are trying to pull a quick one on you sharon)

Mischa Barton Boobie

Mischa Barton may be rich and famous, but I can see her boobie! (nudity)

(who doesn't love a boobie)

MS Security Support Team

From: Craig Carlston
Sent: Saturday, December 31, 2005 1:20 PM
To: Dennis Palmetto
Subject: SRX051231601747

Hi Dennis,

This case was opened to answer questions about WMF Security advisory 912840 so I have set it to non-dec instead of hourly… Just wanted to check to make sure this was ok.

Thanks!
Craig Carlston
Services and Field Security Support Team
Phone: 425.704.3344
e-mail: craigc@microsoft.com
Hours: Wed-Sat 11AM to 10:00 PM Pacific Time

My Technical Lead can be reached with this information:
Greg Lenti: (425) 704-5979
greglent@microsoft.com

My Manager can be reached with this information:
Jeff Lilleskare: (425) 704-6234
jefflill@microsoft.com

(who want's to talk to Craig's maganager?)

Redneck

You may be a redneck if....

1. You don't wear a shirt to work but your husband does.
2. You have 6 trucks in the backyard that don't move and a house that does.
3. Your father, husband, and uncle, are the same person.

Hopefully this is clear enough if you have any questoins just post them.

(you may be a redneck if you spell questions like this: questoins)

We Had Our Thing

The two so close,
Inceprable it seems,
Holding hands,
Their smiles beam

I stare so hard,
I can't beleive
I wish I were her,
I wish that was me

But then I stop,
And think to myself,
We had our thing
There's nothing else
So then I'm glad,
But still so sad,
Life is life
Day by day.
I wish it all could go away

(get over it dude, move on with life)

Chuck Norris Dropkick

Chuck Norris can drop kick a small child 200 yards.

(fact or fiction or just funny)

Kind of Corny

How does corn compare with other fuel? One bushel of corn has as many BTU’s as about5 therms of natural gas,5 gallons of LP,3.2 gallons of fuel oil, or131 kilowatt hours of electricity. One bushel of corn has as many BTU’s as about5 therms of natural gas,5 gallons of LP,3.2 gallons of fuel oil, or131 kilowatt hours of electricity.

(there's an earful for ya)

Finger Stuck

i got my finger stuck in a garage door so it reeally hurts and my nail might fall off

(tip: do not put your finger in a garage door)

Quotes in IM Names

sleep......Sampaios "I really dig the girl, so I gave her a ticket to the Gucci world"" says:ring ppl from dorchester n like were throwing a hotel party here in london if you need a ride i could opick u up we have a van were getting 2 rooms

MaNdA> "Just promise me that if and when you hurt me that you will be here to catch me when i fall" says:okee dokee.. ill talk to some ppl

sleep......Sampaios "I really dig the girl, so I gave her a ticket to the Gucci world"" says:so do you want to do that?

sleep......Sampaios "I really dig the girl, so I gave her a ticket to the Gucci world"" says:were getting room right beside eachother

MaNdA> "Just promise me that if and when you hurt me that you will be here to catch me when i fall" says:okee dokee

(what the hell is up with those im names)

George Peterson Says...

george peterson says:did we tell you what fucking age we are and dont fucking start with me what gives you the right to start cocking off to me serisouly your fucking huge right now buddy, keep it up

(did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed)

Sports Betting

I can't believe that I need a perfect four out of four and/or a push or two this week just to tie with a guy who is only picking 41% of the games correctly! Ooops, I guess I shouldnt bad-mouth that effort as I am doing even worse!! Since we have two games picked the same this week, there is no way I can actually win this thing! The best I can hope for here is a tie and then well have to have a tie-breaker in the playoffs, of course. Wish me luck!

(good luck. bet against public opinion)

Chain E-mail Sucks

HAHAHAHAHA now u'll have bad luck for 900 days and wont have a girlfriend/ boyfriend for 3 years unless you repost it with any of these titles:

1.)My X-Boyfriend turned out to be Gay!
2.)He told me i was ugly!
3.)I am no longer a virgin!
4.)I'm gonna be a mommy!
5.)I'm gonna be a daddy!
6.)My ass hurts!
7.)I finally got my tongue pierced!*pix*
8.)I think I might be Gay!
9.)I think my brother is gay!
10.)Im so happy.....i saw him/her today!!!
11.)I think my sister is a lesbo..
12.)mY BOOBS HURt

(i think all the above are true of the creator of the chain e-mail)

Jack and Jill and MaryJane

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some Marijuana. Jack got high and dropped his fly and said do you wanna? Jill said yes and dropped her dress and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot her pill and then they had a son.

(anybody remeber naughty nursery rhymes from 2livecrew?)

Rub 1

CORY says:
STAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON! says:SWEET!
CORY says:
STAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON! says:hahaha
CORY says:
STAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON! says:grose
CORY says:
STAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON! says:haha show mee some more tits
CORY says:i dont have any more tits
STAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON! says:damn
CORY says:
CORY says:thats nasty
STAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON! says:yeah
STAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON! says:yt[['
STAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON! says:rub 1
STAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON! says:

(this im msg is at a very high intellectual level)

Romanian Skype User

Skype-namn: iuliaml
Namn: Iulia
Födelsedatum: den 2 juli 1957
Ålder: 48
Kön: Kvinna
Språk: English
Uppehållsort: Arad, Romania

(everyone say hi to Iulia and wish her(?) a belated birthday)

Pocket Bike

Pocket bike , 49 cc disk brakes, brand new, 1 hr run time, $189 Tel: 403-251-5177

(go ahead, give 'em a call)

My Wife is Hotter

neon_kt1.116: is she hot
snobowlbomb : no comment
snobowlbomb :
snobowlbomb : she looks ok
snobowlbomb : my wife is hotter

(congrats on the hottie snowbowlbomb)

Wait for the Girl

"Wait for the girl who calls you an asshole instead of sweet, who won't call 10 times a day, who will lie in your bed while watching espn and wont talk. Wait for the girl who kisses your ass, just to get some ass, who doesn't bitch about an all guys night. One who is constantly coming back to you when she realizes its 3 AM and she's got nothing else and how lucky she is that you're desperate. The one that turns to her friends and says, "Yeah, He's tappin my ass."

(another version of this?)

Chris Griffin

Chris Griffin is an overgrown, sweet-hearted 13-year-old who looks imposing, but wouldn't hurt a fly (unless it landed on his hot dog, his favorite food). In that case, Chris would probably treat the fly as a condiment.Chris doesn't have many friends. He often stays to himself, sometimes spending time alone in his bedroom. Or that is what you may think. He is in fact tormented by an evil monkey that resides in his closet. Though Chris shares his tales of the pointing and sneering primate with his parents, they are forever indifferent to his cries.Chris idolizes Peter and works hard not to disappoint him. It's a good thing for Chris that his father's expectations are so low. Still, Chris does have some hidden talents, especially his ability to draw. He should probably spend more time cultivating his skill and less time with Peter in front of the boob tube, looking for boobs.A true individual, Chris lumbers to the beat of his own drum. Although physically he's matured early, he still has a way to go intellectually. But just because he's still not clear on where babies come from doesn't mean he's not eager to learn.

(who doesn't love family guy?)

DOE Award

Please could you send me any information you have regarding the DOE award in Bristol, Avon. We would like to know how you enroll, how it is set up and awarded, contact details and application forms would all be much appreciated.If you can send it, my address is

Glenn Hole
First floor flat
52 Manor Park
Redland, Bristol Avon, BS6 7HN

(i think $500 should help the awarding)

GF Proposal

yeknomknurd909 (12:20:56 AM): will you be my girlfriends
yeknomknurd909 (12:21:01 AM): girlfriend**
SWE3TESTSIINN (12:21:22 AM): YEAH
SWE3TESTSIINN (12:21:23 AM): !!!

(ain't that sweet. they saved their im for when they started dating)

Holy Chain Email

When Jesus was on the cross, you were on his mind! Repost this with the title "Call him" or you are denying him. In the bible it says "If you deny me before man, I will deny you before the father."

(in the bible it says "don't spam message boards")

Plz Touch My Weiner!!!

hey baby i just want u to know that i really really want u back i will make out with any guy just for u.. i really just want to stick it in u from behind....o plz touch my weiner!!! u would be the first to find it just keep this between me and u - love ur future lover p.s plz take the time to think about this i am totally serious - mike gile

(even more confusing then the previous post)

I'm Selfish

Don't be so scared to take a second for reflection, to take a leave of absence, see what you're made of. So I'm selfish, and you're sorry. When I'm gone you'll be going nowhere fast. So who's selfish, and who's sorry?

(who's confused?)

Horoscope Chain Email

Libra- I'm hott as hell
Scorpio- I'm the biggest player
Sagittarius- I`m a Good Kisser
Capricorn- I'm 100% Thug 4 Life
Aquarius- I'm the next Top Model
Pisces- I'm a rider
Aries- I'm fly bitch
Taurus- I'm damn good in BED
Gemini- I'm getting laid
Cancer- I am a crazy ass motherfucka
Leo- I'm sexy
Virgo- I'm a certified hot gangsta

since you opened this you'll have bad luck and a bad sex life unless you repost this in less than 10 minutes with the subject saying what is after your sign

(this chain email - I'm F*&%ing Stupid)

Wedding Pictures

Married! Pictures!

http://smith-hicks.smugmug.com/gallery/1074437

(congrats smith-hicks)

JET Hotel and Bar

The JET Hotel and Bar will provide a comfortable, yet invigorating, social atmosphere in which customers will be able to relax both their body and mind, through a wide range of services. The property will provide a space in which clients can always come to escape the stresses of life, rejuvenate their energies, and enjoy the comaraderie of their colleagues and friends. We will employ local professionals, offering them competitive wages and salaries. The JET Hotel and Bar will provide a healthy and stimulating working enviroment in which this team can thrive and develop their talents. We will help them to realize a positive vision of their careers and the task at hand. Management will be professional and experienced. No matter what the problem with a customer or a situation we will have a smile and busineess appropriate response. Keepinga smile, satisfying the needs of guests, giving great customer service when totally slammed: Every employee must live by this modo.

(is modo like motto? or more like mojo?)

Joke of the Day

Q: What do the Fighting Irish and Marijuana have in common?
A: They both get smoked in a bowl.

(it's a friday funny)

Pyromano

29/12 - 03:01 Knatten besegrar pyromano i en utmaning, läs rapport
29/12 - 03:00 Knatten besegrar pyromano i en utmaning, läs rapport
29/12 - 02:59 Knatten besegrar pyromano i en utmaning, läs rapport
29/12 - 02:58 Knatten besegrar pyromano i en utmaning, läs rapport
29/12 - 02:54 Knatten besegrar pyromano i en utmaning, läs rapport
29/12 - 02:53 Knatten besegrar pyromano i en utmaning, läs rapport
29/12 - 02:49 Gladurg Bonkare besegrar Knatten i en slumpduell, rapport
29/12 - 02:49 Knatten besegrar pyromano i en utmaning, läs rapport
29/12 - 02:42 Knatten besegrar pyromano i en utmaning, läs rapport
29/12 - 02:40 Knatten besegrar pyromano i en utmaning, läs rapport
29/12 - 02:37 Knatten besegrar pyromano i en utmaning, läs rapport
29/12 - 02:34 Knatten besegrar pyromano i en utmaning, läs rapport
29/12 - 02:33 Knatten besegrar pyromano i en utmaning, läs rapport
29/12 - 02:31 Knatten besegrar pyromano i en utmaning, läs rapport
29/12 - 02:30 Knatten besegrar pyromano i en utmaning, läs rapport

(i'm lost. are you?)

Sunset Conference

FUCK GO BACK TO THE FUCKING SUNSET CONFERENCE AND FUCKING KILL YOURSELVES YOU FUCKING ANAL FUCKS

(someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed)

Bad Words

shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat

(is that the best you could do?)

Guns and Cannibals' Pots

If only it were true. I have just managed to survive the holidays, Lila Greetings to all and everyone. I leave on ther 11th for Mozambique for 6 1/2 weeks. If I survive the guns and cannibals' pots we'll speak again in March (If not sooner!) Can you ask my long lost Margie to phone me. We fell out of touch again. I left a message at her home what seems to be six months ago now. As we get older time passes at a velocity inversely propertional to our age. That's the scope of my mathematics. Hope you are all well and thriving. David

(guns and cannibals' pots. it don't get no better than that)